Sketch

Introduction: Winnie The Pooh is getting a gritty horror remake, so we are visiting the cinema to watch the trailers for other movies getting rebooted.

FX: Movie Projector Reel Sounds

Movie Voice Guy: If you are looking in the mirror, you can say his name once…

Teenager 1: Candyman!

Movie Voice Guy: …You can say his name twice….

Teenager 2: Say his name again.

Teenager 1: I don’t wanna!

Teenager 2: Do it!

Teenager 1: ok……Candyman!

Movie Voice Guy: But be careful…if you say his name a 3rd time…he …. will….. arrive!

Teenager 2: *frightened* Oh My God! I’m so scared!

Teenager 1: CANDYMAN!

FX: THUNDER CRACK

FX: DOOR CREAKS OPEN

Candyman: *long deep puffs of Breaths*

Teenager 1 & 2: *Screams!*

Candyman: *friendly voice* So who wants a Mars bar? I’ve got Twirls, Wagon Wheels and a load of white chocolate jazzies. Enough for everyone!

Teenager 1 & 2: Yeah! This guy is the best! We should invite him round more often.

FX: Video Fast-Forward sound

GRAMS: Solsbury Hill – Peter Gabriel > Background

Movie Voice Guy: She never intended coming back to the 100 Acre Wood…

Winnie: Excuse me can I just grab that jar of honey.

Eyeore: Alright. I might have wanted that, but its the last jar and you probably deserve it more.

Movie Voice Guy: But life has a funny way of always putting you where you need to be.

Winnie: Hey Winnie, my mom is looking after the kids this weekend, Do you want to go to the high school reunion with me, I’ve got no-one to go with.

Eyeore: I thought you were dating that Christopher Robin guy….

Winnie: That didn’t work out.

Eyeore: I know what that’s like.

Movie Voice Guy: …and two lost souls and reconnect.

Eyeore: *tears and sobs* DON’T LOOK AT ME! MY TAIL HAS FALLEN OFF! I’m not even a complete failure!

Winnie: Don’t speak like that Eyeore! I ……. think you are beautiful. I …..think you are perfect. I…….love you!

FX: Big Kiss

Movie Voice Guy: Because like honey, love is the sweetest thing.

FX: Video Fast-Forward sound

Movie Voice Guy: Finally released, after years of being censored.

FX: Old-fashioned door bell rings (when entering shop)

Pat: How do Mrs Goggins? I’ve got a big package for you.

Mrs Goggins: Oh Pat! Shhh! My husband will hear you!

Pat: He has never made you happy though.

Mrs Goggins: I’d leave him for you though, Pat.

Pat: Be quiet with that talk! You know I’m not a one-woman man.

Mrs Goggins: But Pat, I could make you so happy.

Pat: Do you want me to put my package round the back?

Mrs Goggins: *whispers* if you said you loved me….

Movie Voice Guy: …One woman rediscovers herself

Mrs Goggins: *loud* Take me Pat!

Pat: But there isn’t room for you in the van, Mrs. Goggins.

Mrs Goggins: You are off to see that tart, Elsie Timms.

Pat: I’ve told you before, I deliver to lots of people in the village.

Mrs Goggins: *cries* But I only want you to deliver to me.

Pat: I’ll be back later, when I’ve finished my round.

Movie Voice Guy: Starring Ken Barrie, as you’ve never seen him before….. in….The Postman Pat Always Rings Twice. END