Sketch

Boris Johnson and Sue Grey have a meeting but neither can remember who actually arranged the meeting…is something strange going on? Why are people forgetting things? We listen in to the meeting they had just before the publication of the Sue Grey report to see what really happened.

Look into My Eyes

Boris Johnson : Hi Sue. Thanks for arranging this meeting at short notice.

Sue Grey : No, thank YOU for arranging it.

Boris Johnson : I didn’t arrange it, I thought YOU arranged it. I’m here because you wanted to meet with me.

Sue Grey : You must be mistaken, Boris, You arranged it with me.

Boris Johnson : I think I’ve been very clear, I’m attending this meeting that YOU arranged.

Sue Grey : I’m sorry Prime Minister, I can clearly see the meeting invite from YOU to me.

Boris Johnson : Are you sure Sue?

Sue Grey : Yes I’m bloody sure! Look, here is the email. It says ‘FROM – Boris Johnson’ and ‘TO – Sue Grey’.

Boris Johnson : Bah! This isn’t working … Can I ask you to look at my watch?

Sue Grey: The Watch You are swinging?

Boris Johnson : Yes, the watch. That I’m swinging from side to side. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.

Sue Grey : It says, “To Boris. Love from your favourite Russian President – Vlad”

Boris Johnson : *Shouting* Ignore the writing….listen to my voice.

Sue Grey : Your bumbling voice?

Boris Johnson : Yes… listen to my privileged voice. The voice of authority. The voice of power. The voice of control.

Sue Grey : [hypnotised]I am listening to your voice.

Boris Johnson : I want you to remove all the photos of me from your report.

Sue Grey : [hypnotised]I will remove all photos of you from the report.

Boris Johnson : I want you to remove all the evidence of Number 10 parties from your report.

Sue Grey : [hypnotised]I will remove all evidence of Number 10 parties from the report.

Boris Johnson : Finally, when you wake up, I want you to tell everyone that Old Bozza is the greatest politician of all time.

Sue Grey : [hypnotised] You do know that hypnotised people can’t be made to do things they don’t want to?

Boris Johnson : Is that True? Dammit! Ok then, when I click my fingers, you’ll wake up and only tell people good things about me. You’ll say nothing negative and you’ll leak various positive news stories to the press on my behalf.

FX (or just click your fingers)

Boris Johnson : Thanks for that – a positive meeting.

Sue Grey : What just happened?

Boris Johnson : Nothing. Nothing at all.

Sue Grey : Nothing at all?

Boris Johnson : Can you send in Laura Kuenssberg?

Sue Grey : Of Course, Shall I tell her why?

Boris Johnson: I just need to tell her she is being replaced

END