Newsjack

Newsjack – Submission 9 – One Liners

After not submitting last week, I decided to get something in for this week.

BREAKING NEWS:

ENGLAND MANAGER SAM ALLARDYCE FACES THE SACK FOR HAVING A SECOND JOB BEING A ‘FIXER’ TO AVOID FA TRANSFER RULES. IF ONLY HE PUT AS MUCH EFFORT INTO HIS FIRST JOB, MAYBE WE’D SOARED TO THE SEMI- FINALS OF THE EUROS. DOG MISSING FOR EIGHT MONTHS FOUND IN MANCHESTER AIRPORT. FRIENDS OF THE DOG SAID HIS HEALTH WAS IMPROVING HOWEVER HE WAS STILL FEELING A LITTLE ‘RUFF’. A FAMILY IN LEICESTER DISCOVERED THE ‘4-HOUR ERECTION’ SPIDER IN A BUNCH OF BANANAS. APPROACHED FOR COMMENT THE KIDS ADVISED, “MUM AND DAD SAID THAT THE SPIDERS HATE THE SOUND OF BARRY WHITE AND CURRENTLY THEY ARE TRYING TO FIND ONE IN THEIR BEDROOM…AND WE AREN’T TO DISTURB THEM…ITS BEEN HOURS.”

VIEWSJACK:

ITS GREAT THAT SEWING ROBOTS WILL PUT SWEATSHOPS OUT OF BUSINESS BUT DON’T FORGET WE ARE THE REAL LOSERS HERE – ITS RUINED THE GREAT BRITISH SEWING BEE. LIFE IS SO UNFAIR. A SCIENTIST WINS A NOBEL PRIZE FOR LIVING AS A GOAT IN THE ALPS FOR A YEAR. I LIVE LIKE A PIG IN THE LIVING ROOM FOR A MONTH AND MY WIFE LEAVES ME. I FEEL SORRY FOR THAT COUPLE BEING ROBBED BY KIDS IN THAILAND. I WAS ROBBED ON HOLIDAY IN PARIS – HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF DISNEYLAND TICKETS?

I love the silliness of Breaking News #2, Breaking News #3 just feels too wordy and #1 I’m not sure is an actual joke! Not a great start but they do occasionally like stuff like BN#2 so who knows.

ViewsJack #1 I like but think it should be worded differently. I’m re-wrote it a couple of times but still not happy with it. I like VJ#2. I thought it was a very strange news article, I wonder if someone else spotted it and thought ‘there is a joke in there’? VJ#3 is another one which felt like it was going somewhere but I just couldn’t get to the destination I wanted. Even now, after submission, I’m thinking something else.

I feel sorry for the couple who went on holiday to Thailand and only discovered they were robbed when they got the pictures back. I had the same thing happen to me in Paris – €25 for the picture of me and the husband on Splash Mountain – Daylight Robbery!

Never Mind…some you win and some you lose.

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