Newsjack

Newsjack – Submission 8 – One Liners

I submitted these this week.

BREAKING NEWS:

MANCHESTER UNITED ARE THE FIRST UK CLUB TO EARN HALF A BILLION POUNDS IN A SEASON. THE NEW BILLING PROCESS OF CHARGINGS FANS FOR EACH MILE THEY LIVE FROM OLD TRAFFORD IS REALLY PAYING OFF. WHAT CAR? MAGAZINE HAS SAID THAT DESPITE THE EMISSIONS SCANDLE, 2ND HAND VOLKSWAGENS ARE HOLDING THEIR VALUE. VW ARE DENYING THAT AN EMPLOYEE WAS SEEN INSTALLING A BLACK BOX ON THE SERVERS AT ‘WEBUYANYCAR.COM’. PIERS MORGAN RISKS JAIL FOR TEARING ONE OF THE NEW £5 NOTES LIVE ON TV. OF ALL THE THINGS PEIRS COULD GO FOR JAIL FOR AND THIS IS THE ONE PEOPLE GET UPSET ABOUT.

VIEWSJACK:

(POSH PERSON) I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT KATE MIDDLETON WAS DRIVEN AROUND BY THE QUEEN RECENTLY. WHAT SETTING DOES ONE NEED TO USE TO BOOK HER AS MY UBER DRIVER? NOW THAT WE WILL NEED A VISA TO GET INTO EUROPE, IS MY TRIP TO MAGALUF CANCELLED BECAUSE I BOOKED IT ON MY MASTERCARD? I LOVE THE IDEA THEY ARE BRINGING BACK GRAMMAR SCHOOLS. MINE TAUGHT ME ABOUT KNITTING, RATIONING DURING THE WAR AND CASUAL RACISM THAT THE WHOLE FAMILY POLITELY IGNORES.

I really like Breaking News#2 and #3 however the Piers Morgan one might be too risky. I liked #2 a lot though…but I’m guessing anything to do with VW emissions might be too ‘old’ as a joke even though it is a new news story.

And I was really happy with Viewsjack #2. Who doesn’t like a word-play joke? Simple, easy to understand and funny! VJ#3 also made me chuckle away. The VJ#1 I’m not sure why I needed to pre-face it with ‘posh person’ as I think it makes me out to be a bellend. ANYONE could have said that. What a prat!

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