DMs Are Open

DMs Are Open – Series 1 – Episode 4 – One-Liners

On a high from last week I managed to write a load of one-liners. The two I submitted are;-

ONELINERS

Sheryl Sandberg is leaving Facebook after 14 years. Not so much ‘Lean In’ but ‘Kicked Out’. Johnny Depp spends £50k on a curry in Birmingham but when you take off the Deliveroo delivery charge, rider tip and additional service charge, he only spent £10.50 on actual food.

They were the best of the bunch (I thought). I did think the Sheryl Sandberg joke was a bit niche – you had to know both Sheryl Sanberg and that she wrote ‘Lean In’. I also didn’t managed to get the Johnny Depp joke more punchy…but as I said, the best of the bunch.

The ‘Nah Mates’

these were other one-liners I wrote but couldn’t submit.

McDonalds is to axe 6 burgers this summer. Why don’t they do what everyone else does and just use their hands? Russia walks out of United Nations security meeting after being accused of weaponising food. They were insulted that people had already forgotten the Novichok at Salsibury’s Zizzis. Elon Musk looks to walk away from Twitter deal due to all the fake accounts with spambot names. Security Analyst have pointed out that “X Æ A-12” is his kids actual name. Gatwick Airport apologies to a disabled passenger left on a plan. The airport says that has taken steps to avoid this happening again – but thats just going to stop people getting ON the plane.

The Voice Note

The one-liner I turned into a voice note was this one… far too long for a one-liner and political but when I started saying it, it felt like it *might* work as a VN.

Boris Johnson survives a vote of no confidence and remains leader of the Conservative Party….Except it isn’t a party, he wasn’t there, but if he was there, then there wasn’t any alcohol, but if there was alcohol then he didn’t have any, but if he did, he was ambushed by it, anyway we should all move on from the Vote of No Confidence and just Get The War On Covid Done Against Ukraine or something?

Click on the button below to hear what I actually submitted. Not perfect but a time-stamp of 11.53 suggests I was certainly out of time!

]]>