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Newsjack

Newsjack – Submission 7

Here are the 6 I submitted this week.

ONELINERS

BREAKING NEWS:

THE UNITED STATES HAVE BEATEN BRITAIN IN THE ‘CALL OF DUTY’ WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL. THEY WON PRIZE MONEY OF ONE MILLION DOLLARS AND 6 MONTH INJUNCTION FROM ANYONE SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT THEIR MOTHERS. THERESA MAY HAS REJECTED THE POINTS-BASED MIGRATION PLAN. A RECENT SPONSORSHIP DEAL WITH NINTENDO HAS HAD NO INFLUENCE ON HER DECISION TO MOVE TO A POKEMON-GO BASED PLAN. SCIENTISTS HAVE CREATED A TEA-CUP THAT WILL KEEP YOUR DRINK HOT FOR 30 MINUTES. I’M SO GLAD THEY’VE CURED ALL ILLNESSES AND CAN START WORKING ON THIS FRIVIOLOUS STUFF. ANYONE WHO DOESN’T DRINK THEIR TEA WHEN THEY GET IT, DOESN’T DESERVE THIS SCIENCE OF THE FUTURE.

VIEWSJACK:

I SAVE SO MUCH MONEY WATCHING THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF. THE RECEIPIES ON SCREEN SAVE ME FROM BUYING PAUL HOLLYWOOD’S COOK BOOK AND THE INNUENDOES SAVE ME £3.50 A MINUTE ON ADULT CHAT LINES. SPORTS DIRECT ARE GOING TO REDUCE THEIR ZERO HOUR CONTRACTS. WILL THEY NOW BE MINUS ONE HOUR? I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY HAVE OFFERED DANIEL CRAIG £150 MILLION FOR THE NEXT TWO JAMES BOND FILMS, THEY COULD SAVE LOADS OF MONEY BY WATCHING IT AT LOCAL ODEON WHEN THEY ARE RELEASED.
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Newsjack is coming back!

Newsjack is coming back!

I got a notification from the BBC that Newsjack is coming back. Time for me to dust off my writing fingers.

First show is 21st September so I guess that submissions will be 19th September at the latest.

Time to try to update all those Trump jokes. I also imagine a lot of Maggie/PM jokes will be recycled.

this time round I have a bit more time on my hands so I will try to submit some sketches.

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Crowdfunding

Crowdfunding – Who is it for?

I have enjoyed getting more involved in comedy in the past 12 months and I’ve really enjoyed the trial and tweets of Richard Herring (@Herring1967) with his crowd funding attempts for video recording his RHLSTP and his successful attempt in bringing back AIOTM (aiotm). However recently there have been two crowd funding requests that have court my eye.

The first is this

I’m not sure why it annoys me. Perhaps its that at least 3 of the cast are currently on mainstream TV already. Perhaps it is the creative team being a collection of existing TV writers/producers. I’m not sure. But something feels wrong when you have the likes of Jack Dee and Harry Hill both asking you and me to fund a creative project of theirs. And to the tune of £75K.

This is Jack Dee, who in 2013 was reported to have earned £5.2 million and Harry Hill, who in 2011 was reported to have turned down £4 million.

Should I be annoyed? I’m also not sure. There is no reason why Harry & Jack (and Michelle and Romesh and Bredna and David, et al) shouldn’t be allowed to ask for crowd funding as that is how it works but for everyone who donates to their cause, they are taking money away from other venues and other crowdfunding opportunities where the people arranging them aren’t household name TV Stars. They are very close to their target and I expect them to meet it. What I don’t understand is why rely on Crowdfunding at all. I would have thought that the people involved (cast/crew) could have got £75k together to make this. They mention on their pledge page

Crowdfunding makes it possible to produce the quality show we want to, funded entirely by the comedy fans who want to see great new comedy. It connects the fans with the comedians directly – giving us all a unique sense of ownership – YOU can make it happen.

Which makes sense, comedy fans usually want to see more comedy but I’m not sure why they are needed to pay for it. The pledge page does give some more details on this.

Because this fabulous cast believe in the project so much, no-one is taking a fee for this show. Everyone is appearing for FREE. The stars are investing in the project themselves by lending their names and time to turn it into a brilliant show just for you.

So, the budget is ONLY for the production costs, camera crew, edit, location fees, costumes, transport costs and background artists.

And this makes me feel a little better and I do understand that costs for making a TV show must be massive. It just doesn’t seem a fair way to make the show. Or maybe it is the fairest way to make the show? I’m so unsure its crazy.

I think my issue is that I don’t want this being the future of comedy TV. The BBC, for all its faults, still produces some comedy which isn’t mainstream but has an audience. If stars like Jack Dee and Harry Hill need to fund projects through crowdfunding then what hope do lesser-known people have in having their scripts/creations featured on TV? If the big names were not attached to the project, would it have received that level of funding? I doubt it. Do the fans ‘Own’ it as the pledge page suggests? the easy answer to that is answered when this gets picked up for a series – will all the people who back it get a cut of the profits/refunded?

I suppose this is one of the reasons I like Richard Herring’s output as he puts on all this stuff and creates it ‘for free’, selling only tickets. His crowdfunding for videoing AOITM have been very similar to this crowdfunding request for The Mayoress but the major difference being I think if Rich approached ANYONE wanting to film it, they would turn him down, let alone offer to pay for it. When Jack Dee owns his own production company (Open Mike), sometime doesn’t seem right that he is asking you and I to pay to record this, rather than fund it himself. Obviously they must be short for cash, what with making The Last Leg and Alan Carr: Chatty Man.

The more I look into it the more it just doesn’t feel right. I suppose that’s the benefit of Crowdfunding…people donate or not…no-one holds a gun to your head.

I’ll post about the 2nd Crowdfunding request I’ve seen recently on another blog post.

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Mark Thomas

Mark Thomas – Trespass

It was something I’d been talking about for ages but I’d not actually booked any tickets. At the last minute I checked on-line and saw there were some good tickets available for that night’s show. It was marked as a ‘relaxed performance’ and I’d never been to one of these before so I looked forward to this structure.

We arrived at the Tricycle Theatre and I was amazed by this little theatre. It wasn’t a far walk from Kilburn tube station and in the middle of the High Street. With 30 minutes before the show started I collected the tickets from the friendly box office and made my way to the bar. There were plenty of bar staff on, which meant we were served quickly and were also able to order our interval drinks. It was only when I got to my seat in the theatre I realised that they didn’t give me a receipt or anything to say how to get them.

The lights dimmed slightly and Mark Thomas took to the stage. He started by explaining that this was a relaxed performance. The reason for this was to allow people on the spectrum, or people who struggle with the standard format of shows (dark rooms, silence, the unknown), to enjoy the performance. At which point we were introduced to Jess – A lady with tourettes – by Mark. It appears he knew her already and her tourettes added a very different type of audience interaction. It was never a heckle and Mark never treated them as such (well, not really!)

The format of the show was 2 halves with a 20 minute interval and with this the show started with a sections of his book, “100 Acts of Minor Dissent”. Well it almost did. Mark needed to put his coffee down but the stool on stage didn’t appear to have a flat surface so there wasn’t a way for the coffee, the water, the book and some papers to stay on there at the same time. We all looked at the storage query Mark had and he commented that this was a serious problem for him…and a voice called from the audience.

“Change your environment to suit your requirement!”

It was Jess. The whole audience went silent. Mark smiled. We all laughed. This particular tic had summed up the solution to not only Mark’s problem but it really resonated with the whole audience. Life, like the stool, can be packed full of stuff…and sometimes you need to add things to it. You can get stressed and worry or you can take another path and ‘change your environment to suit your requirement’. Mark agreed this was the best course of action so moved some stuff around and the coffee was safely deposited down.

Mark asked members of the audience to call out numbers and he told the story about that particular act of dissent. We heard about trying to be banned from Tesco and asking people to think about the possibility of there being no monarchy. At one point one of the people in the front row was asked for a number and we were soon being told about another act of dissent. The person who asked then decided to check his phone/send a text/etc! This is a pretty bad show when at a gig, it is very bad form when you are in the front row. Its extremely rude when you having the act directly interact with you! Mark dealt with is politely, seeing as this was a ‘relaxed’ gig and on it went.

The interval came and our drinks were brought out a little late, but it did mean they hadn’t been sitting there since before the first act started!

The 2nd act came and we were treated to the ‘Trespass’ part of the show. I had additional interest in this as I had attended a Loiterers event held in St. Kathryn’s Dock last year. A secret tweet went out telling people to be at a place, at a time and then we were taken to a gig on a public bit of land right next to the thames. Mark’s 2nd half expanded on his love for public space and walk-ways and what he and his friends had done to protest (or not actually protest) about these areas.

We were treated to a great tale with Mark dressed up as Shaun The Sheep and being tackled to the ground by 4 security guards. It ended with him going back there with a group of people all with Shaun The Sheep Masks to protest the previous heavy handedness. He told us also about some land in front of RBS where he was doing a 5km walk and was hoping to get it recognised as a national trust walk – all in a 15 metre stretch of land.

The 2nd act ended with Mark explaining how councils are now trying to make their own laws by giving people fines for certain things. These included a £100 fine for being homeless, £100 for aggressive begging (begging within 5 metres of a cashpoint), and the final piece was on how Salford council have ‘banned’ swearing in an area of the city. Mark wrote to them with a list of swearwords and asked them to confirm which would be alright to say. He then read the list out. It was the best bit of theatre I’d seen in a long time. Added with the occasional punctuation from Jess, the audience laughed from the first Arsehole to the last Yank-off (although apologies if these weren’t the first and last swears!). This could have been an great end to the show as the audience was hysterical with laughter, but there was more. Mark showed us a video of a choir of people singing a round-robin of swears. Too much! My face was aching from smiling and laughing!

But wait, there’s more!

He then explained that the Daily Mail had contacted them to use the video to show how over-the-top Salford council had been. Mark played the DM loaded video however there was one crucial difference. On Youtube, they allow swearing. The Daily Mail, however, does not feel so comfortable with profanity so their video was bleeped. And seeing as the whole song was just a list of swear-words, it consisted of just Beep Beep beeep!

And with that, the show was over. Mark did some book signing and chatted to people after the show. I first saw Mark Thomas live in maybe 2006 where he did a show that had people crying (with sadness) over the dreadful act of selling arms in the world. I have seen his TV shows and I’ve read his books. I would say that he is a great live performer who informs, educates and entertains the audience without coming across as superior or ridiculous.

As I left the theatre with my signed copy of 100 Acts of Minor Dissent I reflected on the evening, the relaxed performance and his output as a performer and it is clear he is a man of principles who fights for what he believes in…if only more people were like him.

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Death: The Final Frontier

Death: The Final Frontier

This year a lot of people have died. Much fewer famous people have died. My uncle hasn’t died from the Cancer that is attacking his body so all in all, I think its been a draw.

People dying is hard. You might not know a famous person but you are connected to them. It might be a musician that was being played during your first kiss, when you lost your virginity, the first track you heard after your separated from your partner. It could be your father’s favourite song, the song you want played at your funeral or a song your toddler sings mis-heard lyrics to. You don’t know the person other than their music/their films/their words or just their actions. But those things all reach out and touch us differently.

People die, famous people die. We all acknowledge these things differently.

I’ve lived in London since 2013. I moved here for work and a benefit of living here meant that I also got to immerse myself in one of my favourite things, live comedy. It wasn’t until 2014 that I realised that I needed to think about what I wanted.

Richard Herring does a Podcast called RHLSTP (RHLSTP) and he was often talking about trying to get Rik Mayall on there. And this was a show I was determined to go see. I love Rik Mayall and really enjoy Rich’s interview style that felt it would have both encouraged and match Rik’s persona.

2014 Rik Mayall died of a heart attack. My office is next-door to the bench where people left their tribute. I saw them everyday. I saw the crowds of people laying flowers, taking photos and remembering him. He was there in people’s lives during their teenage and young-adult years and reminded them of a certain period of their lives. I didn’t really get Bottom. I watched a LOT of TV growing up but for some reason, Bottom wasn’t a mandatory watching item for me. I did love Drop Dead Fred which was probably my 2nd introduction to Rik, after The Young Ones. The thing with Rik Mayall was I knew I wanted to know more about him and I was disappointed with myself for not watching Bottom the first time round.

What it did tell me was that if I wanted to see comedians/anything I really needed to go do it when I get the chance. Off the back of this I managed to grab tickets to see Frankie Boyle, Michael MacIntyre, Russell Howard…all in intimate venues and not huge O2 style gigs. I do keep going to see stuff and whenever someone is gigging I think, “Go see them now, there is no reason not to.” Instead of, “Don’t worry about getting tickets, you can probably see them another time….” This has also extended to bands and theatre shows.

I guess I’m at an age where people from my youth will be dying. The first celebrity death I remember was Freddie Mercury’s and I remember thinking it will be sad that there wont be any more Queen music (little did I know!) as I really liked it. As an adult it has been this sadness that comes forward when I hear of another performer dying. I haven’t personally known any of them so its not a mournful sadness of them, but it is feeling the loss of their output.

People will die, not matter what I think. All I can do to feel better about it is to make sure I make good on my commitment to see the people who I want to see, be it musicians, actors or comedians.

I’d recommend you do the same. Not ‘before its too late’ but because you want to support these people and what they do. You want them to create more and you want to continue to enjoy the things they produce. You can’t stop people from dying….but you can support them while they are still alive. And that’s what I will be doing – feel free to join me.

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NewsJack

NewsJack – Submission 6 – One liners – Update

Based on the previous submissions I didn’t have my hopes up. I was very happy with the jokes but because of what has happened before I wasn’t excited about recording day or transmission. I didn’t have any tickets to this recording so that probably helped to keep my feet on the ground. The first I would know about it would be during broadcast.

Wednesday passed and I was at comedy elsewhere. That’s the recording day. Thursday came and I remembered that they would send me ‘thanks but no thanks’ emails. I’ve received 2 of these before around 5.30-6pm. Thursday working day passed with nothing of note. I got on the tube home, as I usually do, and opened up Candy Crush to pass the time. I was listening to the excellent Scroobius Pip Distraction Pieces Podcast and he was chatting with Stuart Lee.

My phone ‘pinged’ to say I had an email. I do love having wifi on the tube, and I jumped out of my game to read it….

I couldn’t stop grinning! It may have taken well over a year to get to this point but here I am. A confirmed writer on a BBC broadcast radio show. I immediately message all my friends to let them know and they were so excited for me. I must have submitted 60 + jokes in the time I have been trying, 2 made the script (confirmed) and I saw two performed and one of those broadcast (but not acknowledged).

NewsJack is broadcast at 10.30 on a Thursday evening on Radio 4 extra. I usually listen on my iPlayer radio app but it was showing in my TV guide so I tuned in.and ‘watched’ it.

At each ‘Breaking News’ section I wondered if it would be my turn and also, what joke would they use. The excitement was unbearable…and then I heard it.

A RUGBY PLAYER HAS HAD HIS PENIS NEARLY RIPPED OFF DURING A GAME. IT WAS A DREADFUL LOOKING TACKLE, SAID THE DOCTOR WHO FIRST EXAMINED HIM.

And then the most important bit…. the acknowledgement!

you can check out more about NewsJack here http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00kvs8r and the whole episode here http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b073r1c6

One thing is for sure…. I AM THE GREATEST!

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Watching A Comedy Chum

Watching A Comedy Chum – Part 3

For the last month or so I’ve had 2 of my chums signed up to the Comedy Virgin’s gig at The Cavendish Arms in Stockwell. It has been in my calendar for a while and I’ve been looking forward to it.

I got there plenty early and bumped into one of the guys from the comedy course I did in December. We talked about what our plans were for the future regarding comedy. He has a plan of lasting 5 minutes at the Comedy Store’s Gong Show. For him that is the measure of ‘success’ and that comedy is not a career that he is interested in. This is very different to what I’d consider success to be and it was strange to hear a view different to my own. He is planning on fine-tuning his set from the comedy show-case to give him a tight 5 for the Gong Show… I wish him the best of luck for it.

Regarding the chum’s I was attending to support, well 1 turned up and other was unfortunately ill. The guy who turned up was Chaand and he had threatened to bring 35 people to the gig! I’m not sure Comedy Virgin’s could handle that many extra people but it would have to cope. Chaand had written some new material for the gig and had it printed out, word for word, on A4 sheets of paper. He wanted to go through it to us two and we settled down to hear it.

The first thing we both noticed was Chaand’s usually excellent delivery was stilted. He was reading the words and then tripping up over them and missing bits out. Both of us advised him to write some bullet points to remind him and to have faith on him knowing the stuff he had written. 10 minutes later and he had his bullet points written out and the delivery was so much better.

We were called into the gig and took our seats. Some-how Chaand was front row and centre. He seemed very eager to get up there. The Host (Paul) did a great job warming up the room and advising of the rules. The room was PACKED and there were a few very drunk people there already who felt they needed to join in. There were also a lot of people just talking all the time which was a little unfair on the acts.

The acts came on stage thick and faster. Based on the sign-up list at the door there were well over 20 acts looking to perform so it would be a LONG night! I decided before we sat down that if Chaand was on in the first half, I’d leave at the interval. Not in the spirit of the bringer show but I felt with the support Chaand already had, one less wouldn’t be a problem. I did see one of the acts leave at the same time so I wasn’t the worst person there!

Eventually Chaand got called up to the stage and began his set. With just his small bullet points rather than reams of paper he was a lot more confident up there. I think this was a different experience for Chaand from the Comedy Showcase but he took control of the crowd well. His material was solid and he got plenty of laughs. I think he could have easily done another 3 or 4 minutes with the material I saw earlier in the evening however the strick 5 minute set time at Comedy Virgins is not to be questioned!

Hopefully Chaand will do more gigs and get further confidence in his comedy self. I also look forward to seeing him on ‘Dinner Date’ and see how he copes with the food from strangers!

Fancy listening to it? Click it below.

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NewsJack

NewsJack – Submission 6 – One liners

One last week and then NewsJack is done for the series. I can stop worrying about whether I should write/submit anything for this. Here are my submissions for the last show in the series.

ONELINERS:

BREAKING NEWS:

A RUGBY PLAYER HAS HAD HIS PENIS NEARLY RIPPED OFF DURING A GAME. IT WAS A DREADFUL LOOKING TACKLE, SAID THE DOCTOR WHO FIRST EXAMINED HIM. CHRIS EVANS APOLOGIES FOR TOP GEAR STUNT. THIS IS IN PREPARATION FOR HIM HAVING TO APOLOGISE FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE TO TOP GEAR OVERALL. A RABBIT OWNER IN OZ TRIED TO CONVINCE THE POLICE HER ILLEGAL RABBIT WAS A GUINEA PIG. I HAD SOMETHING SIMILAR. MY GIRLFRIEND BELIEVED ME WHEN I SAID I HAD A MASSIVE SNAKE, UNTIL SHE SAW IT.

VIEWJACK:

(AMERICAN ACCENT) WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL WITH ANDERS BREIVIK’S SALUTE ON THE FIRST DAY OF HIS TRIAL? WE’VE BEEN DOING THESE SALUTES AT ALL THE DONALD TRUMP RALLIES FOR WEEKS, DON’T MAKE US NO RACISTS! I CAN’T BELIEVE TFL CANCELLED A CONTRACT AND PAID NEARLY £100 MILLION FOR A SUPPLIER TO NOT DELIVER TUBE IMPROVEMENTS. I COULD HAVE NOT DELIVERED TUBE IMPROVEMENTS AND I WOULD HAVE CHARGED THEM ONLY £50 MILLION. I’M GLAD AMAZON DON’T DO AGE CHECKS ON PURCHASES, OTHERWISE I’D NOT BE ALLOWED TO BUY THE LIMITED, COLLECTOR EDITION, HARRY POTTER TOYS. IN UNRELATED NEWS, WHY AM I STILL SINGLE AT 43 YEARS OLD. SINGLEARUS EXPELLARUM!

Initial feedback from my Showcase comedy group is that the Chris Evans joke is the weakest. Lets see what the BBC decide to steal use this week (if anything).

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Watching A Comedy Chum

Watching A Comedy Chum – Part 2

Late Sunday afternoon I got a message in a group chat from one of the guys off my Comedy Showcase course. He’d been let down by a mate for a ‘bringer’ show he was taking part in and needed his +1 to be able to perform. It was a Sunday night, but more importantly I always want to help support my friends with their comedy so I agreed to be there.

The venue was ‘Comedy Virgins’ at the Cavendish Arms, in Stockwell.

I drove there but it is about a 10 minute walk from Stockwell Tube Station. From the outside there is nothing to suggest there is anything being held there. When I arrived inside, it really felt like I was in the wrong place. A pub, next to a housing estate with no signs of there being comedy on. I checked the postcode and this definitely was the right place!

I had never attended a Bringer show before but the concept is one which splits the comedy community. Some people think it is a preying on comedians to help a venue make loads on drinks; others believe it helps improve audience sizes through increasing ‘normal’ audience members and not just have the acts play to a room full of comedians waiting to perform.

My chum arrived and put his name down on the list – number 11. We weren’t sure where he would end up on the bill but 2nd half seemed to be where we thought he would perform.

The doors opened and we grabbed some seats. Not front row but on an end so he could get up easily when it was his turn. The room quickly filled and before too long the compare – Paul Langton https://twitter.com/mebepaullangton – took to the stage. He explained the set up of the night, how it was an extra show due to so much interest in taking part. He also explained to make it fair to everyone there were some rules.

5 Minutes only Don’t leave after your set If you like an act, at the end of their set shout ‘buy them a drink’ as well as whooping and a hollering.

The Compare then pulled a number out of his wine-bucket tombola……The first act of the night was…..number 11 – My chum!

As the first act of the night a massive round of applause carried him from his seat to the stage. The set started strong and kept building. The audience loved the punchlines and some of the comparisons (‘Why do we have seatbelts on planes but not on buses?’). They laughed at the funny bits and chuckled when he explained his broken fingers.

The 5 minutes passed quickly and soon his set was over. The audience were going wild and when the compare got back on stage there was a loud chant of ‘buy him a drink! Buy him a drink!’ so the first act of the night also became the first act to have a drink bought for them. It did mean he would be part of the ‘clap-off’ at the end of the night for the limited edition winner’s trophy.

All the acts for the rest of the evening made me chuckle. Unknown to me, the smart looking business man with a florida tan sat next to me, was down on the list and went up to perform. 4 minutes in and he got the 1 minute warning . At which point he gave the tech-desk a nod and they started some music. The music was stripping music! The shirt came off, then the trousers….under which he had fishnets stockings and high-heels hidden in his trainers. Very different to everything else on the night but really well received!

At the end of the evening there were 8 acts on stage who all got the ‘buy them a drink!’ shout from the crowd. They were then in a clap-off in pairs. My friend was in the first pair but it was closely fought and unfortunately he was the first person to be sent back to the audience. Eventually the final two were so closely matched that they actually become JOINT WINNERS.

As I left the pub I thought about what a great evening it had been. The venue was a proper set-up for comedy and the audience really did help to keep the laughter and applause going for all the acts all evening.

I’m due back here on Wednesday to see some other friends of mine perform. 2 people this time. At least I know what to expect and I’m certainly looking forward to it.

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KickStarter Campaign to bring back ‘As It Occurs To Me’.

KickStarter Campaign to bring back ‘As It Occurs To Me’.

Richard Herring has taken to Youtube to tell people that he will be starting a Kickstarter for bringing back a video version of As It Occurs To Me.

Hello all. After the success of the RHLSTP kickstarters we’ve decided to do the same for As It Occurs To Me. We want to make at least six monthly VIDEO episodes of this stand up and sketch show and we need money to pay the actors, camera crew, editors, puppet makers and cartoonists. We want to make these to TV quality so it’s not going to be cheap. But all the episodes (as well as hopefully some extras and stand alone sketches) will appear for free online.

Help us make six VIDEO episodes of the seminal standup and sketch show.

www.gofasterstripe.com/kickstarter

I’m not sure I’m a fan of the lampooning of an AIOTM fan as that character could easily be me! You can watch the video here.

The video also includes the comedian Lou Sanders, comedy writer and actor Ben Moor, Chris Evans (NTO) and someone else.

Thanks to AndyMcH for help identifying the people who weren’t Lou Sanders.

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