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Series 18 Episode 1

Series 18 Episode 1Series 18 Episode 1I didn’t get anything in this week’s show. A-Boo! I hear you say. I think I should have submitted the Samsung Chips joke. Never mind there is always next week.

As you may be aware, I did some review of a couple of previous episodes and seeing as I was [s]bitter[\/s] having a bit of spare time I thought I’d do this episode.

Newsjack is a weekly topical news comedy show which accepts user submissions for oneliner jokes and sketches. The BBC do pay for all broadcast user submissions.

I’ve listened to the broadcast and I have tried to categorise the jokes broadcast against their guidelines for what they want people to submission.

First of all, I do not include Angela’s monologue in the stats as this isn’t something that members of the public can submit to.

Secondly, there is no released details on who has written what, but occasionally they do tweet out who wrote what. If I had to guess, these are staff writers – invited writers who are paid to write for Newsjack rather than people who have, that week, submitted 6 one liners and 2 sketches.

Thirdly, this is my analysis. The assumptions I make are mine, as are the conclusions I come to. Newsjack have confirmed they don’t agree with all the conclusions…interesting use of ‘all’ there ;).

“Hi Thanks for this we find analysis like this interesting but can\’t agree with all the conclusions we do have some sketches written by in house writers but these are writers we spotted as they sent stuff into Newsjack.”

#AskNewsjack BBC Writersroom (@bbcwritersroom)

DMs Are Open – Series 1 – Episode 3 Analysis

Another week where I attempted to get 2 sketches, 2 one-liners and 1 voice note into the show.

3 weeks in now so I can do some further analysis of DMs Are Open.

DMs Are Open is a weekly topical comedy show which accepts user submissions for oneliner jokes and sketches. The BBC do pay for all broadcast user submissions.

You may have seen my analysis of NewsJack episodes so I’ve tried to keep to broadly that structure. Things are a little different as DMs Are Open isn’t a ‘Topical News Satire’ show, but is a topical news show. Its also ‘new’ so I think the producers are also looking to find their own way on how this goes forward.

I’ve listened to the broadcast and I’ve tried to analysis what content makes the show.

First of all, I do not include the opening dialogue in the stats as this isn’t something that members of the public can submit to.

Secondly, there is no released details on who has written what, but occasionally they do tweet out who wrote what. Anyone who wants to can submit 3 sketches, 2 one-liners and a Voice Note

Thirdly, this is my analysis. The assumptions I make are mine, as are the conclusions I come to.

This week we saw this breakdown

More one-liners again. We also had 12 seperate sketches but like episode 1, 3 of them were the same thing (Tiktok Finfluencer this time)<\/p>\nThe structure of the show was 6 sketches, then all 12 One-liners, then another 6 sketches, then we had the 5 Voice Notes.<\/p>\nOver-all the sketch time is down (by about 30 seconds), the one-liners remain consistent at 2.25 and voice notes are up by about 10 seconds.

DMs Are Open

DMs Are Open – Series 1 – Episode 4 – One-Liners

On a high from last week I managed to write a load of one-liners. The two I submitted are;-

ONELINERS

Sheryl Sandberg is leaving Facebook after 14 years. Not so much ‘Lean In’ but ‘Kicked Out’. Johnny Depp spends £50k on a curry in Birmingham but when you take off the Deliveroo delivery charge, rider tip and additional service charge, he only spent £10.50 on actual food.

They were the best of the bunch (I thought). I did think the Sheryl Sandberg joke was a bit niche – you had to know both Sheryl Sanberg and that she wrote ‘Lean In’. I also didn’t managed to get the Johnny Depp joke more punchy…but as I said, the best of the bunch.

The ‘Nah Mates’

these were other one-liners I wrote but couldn’t submit.

McDonalds is to axe 6 burgers this summer. Why don’t they do what everyone else does and just use their hands? Russia walks out of United Nations security meeting after being accused of weaponising food. They were insulted that people had already forgotten the Novichok at Salsibury’s Zizzis. Elon Musk looks to walk away from Twitter deal due to all the fake accounts with spambot names. Security Analyst have pointed out that “X Æ A-12” is his kids actual name. Gatwick Airport apologies to a disabled passenger left on a plan. The airport says that has taken steps to avoid this happening again – but thats just going to stop people getting ON the plane.

The Voice Note

The one-liner I turned into a voice note was this one… far too long for a one-liner and political but when I started saying it, it felt like it *might* work as a VN.

Boris Johnson survives a vote of no confidence and remains leader of the Conservative Party….Except it isn’t a party, he wasn’t there, but if he was there, then there wasn’t any alcohol, but if there was alcohol then he didn’t have any, but if he did, he was ambushed by it, anyway we should all move on from the Vote of No Confidence and just Get The War On Covid Done Against Ukraine or something?

Click on the button below to hear what I actually submitted. Not perfect but a time-stamp of 11.53 suggests I was certainly out of time!

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Sketch – Sourdough Bread

Sketch – Sourdough Bread
Sourdough BreadIntroduction: In attempts to bring back imperial weights and measures, Boris Johnson decided to revive physical media and releases a stand-up comedy DVD for his loyal fans.

Announcer: Straight from the release of his hit DVD ‘My 3rd Mother-in-Law Needs A New Bungalow’, Please welcome to the stage……Boris Johnson!

FX: Audience Applause

FX: Boris Voice is amplified/echoed like playing a giant stage.

Boris Johnson: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen…Bit of nostalgia there, when there were only 2 genders? Simpler times, weren’t it?

FX: Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: Do you remember Ounces? Do you ‘member? …. Ounces? ‘Member ‘em? Ounces?

FX: Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: You’d get in from school, be waiting for ya tea, and you’d shout ‘Mam! Mam! Wots fo tea?’

Boris Johnson: and she’d shout up t’stairs “I’ve be t’shops and got some ounces”

Boris Johnson: and you’d be like ‘Ounces? …. Ounces? but I wanted chippy tea!’

FX: Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: and she’d be like “you’ll eat your ounces. Y’know there be poor kids starving in Africa.”

Boris Johnson: so you’d say, “well give them the ounces instead.” wouldn’t ya? You’d say, “Give ‘em those instead.” Cos ya wanting chippy tea!

FX: Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: What a ‘mazing world it were as t’kid. They had ounces in Europe and you could buy ‘em, not in Europe, but in the Kwik Save in Windsor! ‘Magine that? Ounces in Windsor? They are like a future food!

FX: Loud Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: Remember buying pints? ‘Member them? You’d be in the pub, buying pints of lager. Do you remember that?

FX: Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: You’d get in from school, be waiting for ya tea, and you’d shout ‘Mam! Mam! Wots fo tea?’

Boris Johnson: and she’d shout up t’stairs “You are having a pint”

Boris Johnson: and you’d be like ‘a pint? …. a pint? but I wanted chippy tea!’

FX: Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: and she’d be like “you’ll drink your pint. Y’know there be poor kids thirsty in Africa.”

Boris Johnson: so you’d say, “well give them the pint instead.” wouldn’t ya? You’d say, “Give ‘em those instead.” Cos ya wanting chippy tea!

FX: Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: What a ‘mazing world it were as t’kid. They had litres in Europe and you used to be able to buy litres from Europe, but since that Brexit you can buy Pints! ‘Magine that? Buying a pint in Windsor? Due to Brexit! What a time to be alive!

FX: Loud Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: Remember being monogamous? ‘Member that? You’d be at an international press junket, being monogamous. Do you remember that?

FX: Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: You’d get in from school, be waiting for ya tea, and you’d shout ‘Mam! Mam! Wots fo tea?’

Boris Johnson: and she’d shout up t’stairs “You are being monogamous”

Boris Johnson: and you’d be like ‘monogamous? …. monogamous? but I wanted chippy tea!’

FX: Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: and she’d be like “you’ll be monogamous. Y’know there be poor kids who dream of monogamy in Africa.”

Boris Johnson: so you’d say, “well let them be monogamous instead.” wouldn’t ya? You’d say, “Give ‘em monogamy instead.” Cos ya wanting chippy tea!

FX: Canned Laughter

Boris Johnson: What a ‘mazing world it were as t’kid. They had people being monogamous in Europe, but not now, since that Brexit. ‘Magine that? Monogamy in Windsor? Due to Brexit! What a time to be alive!

FX: Loud Canned Laughter

Announcer: Coming soon! Straight to DVD, Boris Johnsons Brand New Stand-Up Show, ‘My FOURTH Mother-In Law Needs a New Bungalow Tour’ with the exact same content as the previous DVD, but this time filmed in front of a live Tory Party Conference!

END

DMs Are Open

DMs Are Open – Series 1 – Episode 3 – Sketches DMs Are Open – Series 1 – Episode 3 – Sketches

I read that Boris Johnson was suggesting bringing back Imperial measurements as a distraction technique for everything going on. His desire to have people thinking about ‘the good old days’ made me think of the Peter Kay sketch ‘Garlic Bread!’.

Based on that I decided I’d have a sketch of Boris Johnson as a stand-up getting people to remember stuff and repeating it over and over again.

It wasn’t used, so wasn’t to DMs Are Open’s taste, but I enjoyed writing it. It originally had 4 sections but I removed one.

The 2nd sketch came about after reading about the gritty reboot of Winnie the Pooh. I thought about how I could flip other movies from my youth and ended up with 3 seperate ones.

The Candyman – Giving out sweets to everyone

Winnie & Eyeore – Hallmark/Romantic story

Postman Pat – Just thought about the title ‘the postman pat always rings twice’ and went from there.

Again, not used but a fun exploration of ‘the game’. Need to work harder for next week.

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DMs Are Open

DMs Are Open – Series 1 – Episode 3 Analysis Series 1 Episode 3 – Analysis

Another week where I attempted to get 2 sketches, 2 one-liners and 1 voice note into the show.

3 weeks in now so I can do some further analysis of DMs Are Open.

DMs Are Open Summary

DMs Are Open is a weekly topical comedy show which accepts user submissions for oneliner jokes and sketches. The BBC do pay for all broadcast user submissions.

Analysis

I’ve listened to the broadcast and I’ve tried to analysis what content makes the show.

First of all, I do not include the opening dialogue in the stats as this isn’t something that members of the public can submit to.

Secondly, there is no released details on who has written what, but occasionally they do tweet out who wrote what. Anyone who wants to can submit 3 sketches, 2 one-liners and a Voice Note

Thirdly, this is my analysis. The assumptions I make are mine, as are the conclusions I come to.

Breakdown

This week we saw this breakdown

Count Time Sketch 9 (12?) 15m50 Oneliners 12 2m25 VNs 5 1m44

More one-liners again. We also had 12 seperate sketches but like episode 1, 3 of them were the same thing (Tiktok Finfluencer this time)

The structure of the show was 6 sketches, then all 12 One-liners, then another 6 sketches, then we had the 5 Voice Notes.

Over-all the sketch time is down (by about 30 seconds), the one-liners remain consistent at 2.25 and voice notes are up by about 10 seconds.

Sketches Topic Time (m.ss) Molly May Entrpeure 1 footballers wages for NHS 2.30 TikTok Finance Influencer 0.30 Partygate True Crime Podcast 2.20 EasyJet Hackers 1.30 Spare Time Robot 2.00 Coffee Cup Challenge (tiktok) 0.26 CBBC BBC4 1.25 Cross Breeds 1.30 80’s Reboots 0.35 TikTok Influencer 0.44 High off Fish 1.25

This has a much wider net of subject covered. Good to see less politics (well not for me, I’m a politics submitter!) as this matches what people were told in the webinar. The Tik-tok sketches (3 or 1) also leaned more towards it being about ‘the socials’ rather than ‘breaking news’.

An interesting thing is that if you consider the TikTok sketches as 1, then the 80’s reboots was the shortest sketch by a long shot. At 35 seconds long it is a good 25 seconds shorter than any other sketch broadcast (in any of the previous episodes) so if they think it is funny, they will include it even if it isn’t pages long.

We also had the joint longest sketch this week at 2 minutes 30 seconds. This shares the honour with the Wagatha Christie sketch from episode one.

One-Liners

One extra one-liner this week compared to last week.

The topics of the one-liners were as follows;-

murder huband – Revenge on jury Inflation 70 cent Jubilee cake settle in court RHCP – Give it away Dracula Pasta Costs P. Morgan / Markle Easyjet Cancellation Will Smith James Bond Google Competition Justin Trudou – Hand Guns Queen on Stone Henge

Got to love that the Prince Andrew related jokes are making their way regularly into DMs Are Open. It was great that there was an extra one-liner broadcast this week. The reason for this is ONE OF MINE WAS BROADCAST!

Mine was the Google joke. It felt like a NewsJack/DMS are Open joke and I’m glad it hit the mark. I would have thought they’d go for the other one, as it was sillier, but I’m glad they broadcast one at least!

Voice Notes

Another 5 voice notes ends the show this week – no final sketch.

Ricky Gervais Mona Lisa Imperial Measurements Bot on Last Week visible Tattoos

Another impression! And another Scottish reference. I guess the people writing for Breaking The News are looking for other outlets of their jokes!

Strange to reference the Bot from last week. Because there was the Dyson robot sketch this week I thought they meant that, but they didn’t – the last VN from the week before was a bot. So are re-occuring characters now going to feature – its always possible!

I think some of the voice notes are tipping over the 20 second mark…not by much, but if they are putting 5 of them in a space of 104 seconds (1m44), then they are all getting just over 20 seconds each…use the time if you think you’ll need it!

Credits

There were 19 writers credited this week and 5 Voice Actors. In total 24 separate people were credited but some people might have more than 1 credit and others might be part of a writing partnership. This week the DMs Are Open team did shout-outs on Twitter to all the credited writers. This is a great thing to do – they just need to start adding them to the episode page on the actual BBC website.

In Summary

It seems obvious, but listening to DMs Are Open will help you understand what the producers are looking for.

I still think that they could lose 1 sketch and include another load of one-liners. Hopefully this balance will improve through the series. I’m also not sure how many Voice Notes they get so it might improve your chances of getting stuff broadcast if you do a Voice Note as you’ll have less competition. Its important you focus on the Golden Rule (Write Funny) and then worry about other things.

Also, it really helps if your name is Alex….an Alex has been credited 6 times over 3 episodes.

The government are looking to axe Radio4extra and someone has set up a petition against it – check it out here – https://actionstorm.org/petitions/save-bbc-radio-4-extra-628fabbe41f11?ref=433347

Hopefully the team over at DMs Are Open will share some stats on submissions. Another thing I noticed is that the Voice Note contributors get a separate acknowledgement (I’m guessing as ‘Voice Actors’) so we know who wrote the sketches/one-liners, even if we don’t know who wrote which individual ones.

My final note to the team making DMs Are Open is PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE….can you rename it for the 2nd series? Seriously people, did you not search the hashtag before deciding on a name? Even adding ‘BBC’ to the end doesn’t much improve the tweets that are brought back. This is ‘getting sacked from work’ levels of content so I am glad I’m not trying to search the hashtags from my work computer/phone (like I could with NewsJack).

What are your thoughts on the third episode of DMs Are Open? Let me know in the comments? Did you write some of the jokes? I’d be interested to know which ones 🙂

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Sketch

Sketch – Popcord PopCorn

Introduction: Winnie The Pooh is getting a gritty horror remake, so we are visiting the cinema to watch the trailers for other movies getting rebooted.

FX: Movie Projector Reel Sounds

Movie Voice Guy: If you are looking in the mirror, you can say his name once…

Teenager 1: Candyman!

Movie Voice Guy: …You can say his name twice….

Teenager 2: Say his name again.

Teenager 1: I don’t wanna!

Teenager 2: Do it!

Teenager 1: ok……Candyman!

Movie Voice Guy: But be careful…if you say his name a 3rd time…he …. will….. arrive!

Teenager 2: *frightened* Oh My God! I’m so scared!

Teenager 1: CANDYMAN!

FX: THUNDER CRACK

FX: DOOR CREAKS OPEN

Candyman: *long deep puffs of Breaths*

Teenager 1 & 2: *Screams!*

Candyman: *friendly voice* So who wants a Mars bar? I’ve got Twirls, Wagon Wheels and a load of white chocolate jazzies. Enough for everyone!

Teenager 1 & 2: Yeah! This guy is the best! We should invite him round more often.

FX: Video Fast-Forward sound

GRAMS: Solsbury Hill – Peter Gabriel > Background

Movie Voice Guy: She never intended coming back to the 100 Acre Wood…

Winnie: Excuse me can I just grab that jar of honey.

Eyeore: Alright. I might have wanted that, but its the last jar and you probably deserve it more.

Movie Voice Guy: But life has a funny way of always putting you where you need to be.

Winnie: Hey Winnie, my mom is looking after the kids this weekend, Do you want to go to the high school reunion with me, I’ve got no-one to go with.

Eyeore: I thought you were dating that Christopher Robin guy….

Winnie: That didn’t work out.

Eyeore: I know what that’s like.

Movie Voice Guy: …and two lost souls and reconnect.

Eyeore: *tears and sobs* DON’T LOOK AT ME! MY TAIL HAS FALLEN OFF! I’m not even a complete failure!

Winnie: Don’t speak like that Eyeore! I ……. think you are beautiful. I …..think you are perfect. I…….love you!

FX: Big Kiss

Movie Voice Guy: Because like honey, love is the sweetest thing.

FX: Video Fast-Forward sound

Movie Voice Guy: Finally released, after years of being censored.

FX: Old-fashioned door bell rings (when entering shop)

Pat: How do Mrs Goggins? I’ve got a big package for you.

Mrs Goggins: Oh Pat! Shhh! My husband will hear you!

Pat: He has never made you happy though.

Mrs Goggins: I’d leave him for you though, Pat.

Pat: Be quiet with that talk! You know I’m not a one-woman man.

Mrs Goggins: But Pat, I could make you so happy.

Pat: Do you want me to put my package round the back?

Mrs Goggins: *whispers* if you said you loved me….

Movie Voice Guy: …One woman rediscovers herself

Mrs Goggins: *loud* Take me Pat!

Pat: But there isn’t room for you in the van, Mrs. Goggins.

Mrs Goggins: You are off to see that tart, Elsie Timms.

Pat: I’ve told you before, I deliver to lots of people in the village.

Mrs Goggins: *cries* But I only want you to deliver to me.

Pat: I’ll be back later, when I’ve finished my round.

Movie Voice Guy: Starring Ken Barrie, as you’ve never seen him before….. in….The Postman Pat Always Rings Twice. END

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DMs Are Open

DMs Are Open – Series 1 – Episode 3 – One Liners

A new series to submit to, but much less than before. I seem to think NewsJack had an oppertunity to submit 9 one-liners per episode at one point. Now it is 2 and a Voice Note! ONELINERS

Google is being probed by the competition watchdog for abusing its position in the market. I did an online search and can’t find any evidence of this. During a recent police stop, a driver was discovered nearly naked. She mis-understood her boyfriends request to drive with her top down. A prankster has been critisied for painting a ‘welcome to Luton’ sign by Gatwick Airport. Easyjet have also been criticised for selling tickets to London when the plane lands in Luton. “Easyjet has had to cancel 200 flights. However, people in stuck in Paris are still closer to London than if they’d have caught a flight and ended up in Luton.”I saw the headline about the ‘prankster’ and thought I could reword that mess into something better. And it gave me a voicenote to submit. Which was nice. I also wrote a lazy joke about it being cold in Canada but didn’t spend enough time on it to make it funny. “Canada proposes total freeze on handgun ownership. It should be easy, they’ll just need to keep them outside overnight.”

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Sketch

Sketch – Clarkson Father of the Bride

Intro Jeremy Clarkson’s daughter gets married.

Clarkson Father of the Bride

Master of Ceremonies: All Rise for the Father of the Bride. Jeremy Clarkson: Welcome Everyone! When I saw the tents going up in the grounds of the estate, I thought ‘Are we filming our latest series of The Grand Tour here?’ Because if it was Top Gear, it would be an aircraft hanger…but we can’t use them. Jeremy Clarkson : I remember the day my little Emily was born. I got a Porsche 944 delivered and didn’t realise how impractical having a family would be on my car driving. Jeremy Clarkson: They say nothing prepares you for fatherhood but people who say that have never been given the keys to a Lamborghini Aventadoor LP780-4 Ultimate Roadster. Jeremy Clarkson : When I arrived at the hospital on the day she was born I was amazed at how perfect she looked. How could something so small make me so happy? Richard Hammond: Are you talking about me, Jeremy? Jeremy Clarkson : No Richard ‘the Hamster’ Hammond, you buffon, I said ‘Happy’ not ‘embarrassed’! Anyway, back to the story. I went inside the maternity suite and was handled this little squished up bundle of joy…it was a steak sandwich – They obviously knew how angry I got when I’ve not eaten. Emily Clarkson : *Embaresed* Daaaaaaaaad! Jeremy Clarkson : After I had a bite to eat, and got Mrs Clarkson out of the bed she was in so I could have a well deserved sleep, I woke up and looked at the beauty that was Emily. Jeremy Clarkson : Her eyes were big, like the headlights of an Mazda MX5. Her face was all scrunched up, like the front grill of a Nissan Juke. And her hair was red, like a Ferrari Testarossa. What I wasn’t prepared for was how her crying sounded like a Formula 1 car going round Silverstone. Jeremy Clarkson : As I gazed upon her face, it hit me. Sorry, SHE hit me. Turns out Emily was hungry – like father like daughter! Jeremy Clarkson : Taking her home was a worry. All that responsibility was mine, if anything happened then it was MY insurance that would have to pay for the car. As luck would have it, the journey home was as pedestrian as the kind of people I hate – no, not the french. Nor the Argentinians….but actual pedestrians. Jeremy Clarkson : When she turned 21 I worked out what she had cost me in total. We’d had a few breakdowns, a little recovery, and some minor cosmetic work, but the lamborghini was mensurably cheaper than Emily over the same 21 years. Jeremy Clarkson : Now, I look across this room and see that my investment has been worthwhile. Emily has become an amazing and wonderful lady. I’m also glad that she didn’t choose to marry Richard or the other one! Although if she had, I could at least make reference to the Captain Slow-dance! Jeremy Clarkson : So I’d like you all to raise a toast, to the most wonderful, most perfect, most ‘I’d do anything for her’, most spectacular, most pride inducing, most beautiful, and finally, most worthwhile thing I’ve ever done my life. Jeremy Clarkson : Although I will always consider her mine, it is time for me to pass her onto someone else who will love her, cherish her, and worship her as much as I do. It was hard to find someone but … .congratulations to ….. Paddy McGuinness. Jeremy Clarkson: To “Top Gear” Wishing you all the best for the future, but not as good as my future with Amazon.

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Sketch

Sketch – Look Into My EyesIntro

Boris Johnson and Sue Grey have a meeting but neither can remember who actually arranged the meeting…is something strange going on? Why are people forgetting things? We listen in to the meeting they had just before the publication of the Sue Grey report to see what really happened.

Look into My Eyes

Boris Johnson : Hi Sue. Thanks for arranging this meeting at short notice.

Sue Grey : No, thank YOU for arranging it.

Boris Johnson : I didn’t arrange it, I thought YOU arranged it. I’m here because you wanted to meet with me.

Sue Grey : You must be mistaken, Boris, You arranged it with me.

Boris Johnson : I think I’ve been very clear, I’m attending this meeting that YOU arranged.

Sue Grey : I’m sorry Prime Minister, I can clearly see the meeting invite from YOU to me.

Boris Johnson : Are you sure Sue?

Sue Grey : Yes I’m bloody sure! Look, here is the email. It says ‘FROM – Boris Johnson’ and ‘TO – Sue Grey’.

Boris Johnson : Bah! This isn’t working … Can I ask you to look at my watch?

Sue Grey: The Watch You are swinging?

Boris Johnson : Yes, the watch. That I’m swinging from side to side. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.

Sue Grey : It says, “To Boris. Love from your favourite Russian President – Vlad”

Boris Johnson : *Shouting* Ignore the writing….listen to my voice.

Sue Grey : Your bumbling voice?

Boris Johnson : Yes… listen to my privileged voice. The voice of authority. The voice of power. The voice of control.

Sue Grey : [hypnotised]I am listening to your voice.

Boris Johnson : I want you to remove all the photos of me from your report.

Sue Grey : [hypnotised]I will remove all photos of you from the report.

Boris Johnson : I want you to remove all the evidence of Number 10 parties from your report.

Sue Grey : [hypnotised]I will remove all evidence of Number 10 parties from the report.

Boris Johnson : Finally, when you wake up, I want you to tell everyone that Old Bozza is the greatest politician of all time.

Sue Grey : [hypnotised] You do know that hypnotised people can’t be made to do things they don’t want to?

Boris Johnson : Is that True? Dammit! Ok then, when I click my fingers, you’ll wake up and only tell people good things about me. You’ll say nothing negative and you’ll leak various positive news stories to the press on my behalf.

FX (or just click your fingers)

Boris Johnson : Thanks for that – a positive meeting.

Sue Grey : What just happened?

Boris Johnson : Nothing. Nothing at all.

Sue Grey : Nothing at all?

Boris Johnson : Can you send in Laura Kuenssberg?

Sue Grey : Of Course, Shall I tell her why?

Boris Johnson: I just need to tell her she is being replaced

END

Category: Uncategorized