Newsjack Episode 1 Submission

Newsjack Episode 1 Submission

Now the episode has been aired I can tell you what my jokes were…

ONELINERS

BREAKING NEWS:

SUNDAR PICHAI, THE BOSS OF GOOGLE, HAS BEEN AWARDED NEARLY $200 MILLION DOLLARS PRE-TAX IN PAY MAKING HIM THE HIGHEST PAID BOSS IN THE US. TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF HOW MUCH HE TAKES HOME, AFTER TAX IT WORKS OUT AT NEARLY $200 MILLION DOLLARS. THREE CONTESTANTS HAVE BEEN INJURED TAKING PART IN THE ITV SERIES ‘THE JUMP’. ALTHOUGH IT HASN’T BEEN CANCELLED, THE PRODUCERS ARE CURRENTLY LOOKING AT REPLACING IT WITH A SAFER SHOW CALLED “CELEBRITY DUEL AT 20 PACES”. THE POLICE ARE TO USE THE MEDIEVAL HUNTING TECHNIQUE OF USING EAGLES TO TACKLE THE PROBLEM OF DRONES IN BIG CITIES. THEY HAVE BEEN SLOWLY INTRODUCING OTHER MEDIEVAL TECHNIQUES AS DURING A RECENT PROTEST MARCH, SOME PEOPLE WERE EVEN MACED IN THE FACE.

VIEWJACK:

DAVID CAMERON SAID THAT WE MUST STAY IN EUROPE. I’VE BEEN THERE ON HOLIDAY BUT IT IS FULL OF FOREIGNERS AND THEIR MINGING FOREIGN FOOD.YOU CAN’T GET A GOOD CURRY OR CHINESE ANYWHERE! I CAN’T BELIEVE THE RESULTS OF THE SUPERBOWL. THE NEW WISCONSEN BEAVERS BEAT THE SOUTH DRAKESVILLE AARDVARKS 6 TOUCHPOINTS TO 3. OK, I’LL BE HONEST, I’VE NO IDEA ABOUT AMERICAN FOOTBALL. STORM IMOGEN IS CURRENTLY LASHING PARTS OF THE UK. I THINK I SAW HER DANCE AT STRINGFELLOWS BUT SHE WASN’T DOING S&M THEN.

I really enjoyed my Google joke. It really felt like something they would use. Joke #3 was built off a comment a friend of mine once said when she heard people could mace people in the face. The idea that modern police were going around and using medieval weaponry on members of the public created a funny image in my head and I felt the news story about using eagles to hunt drones was a good one to shoe-horn it in.

I also really enjoyed joke #5 but its just silly and I wasn’t sure if I should include it or not. Joke #6 was one I really wasn’t happy with. I felt there was a much better punchline. I think the original joke was more along the lines of ” ‘Storm Imogen’ sounds like the name of a D-List celebrity or a stripper. I suppose they are both pretty much the same thing.”

There was another version of it that compared the name to that of a hollywood celebrity’s child’s name. But that idea just never worked out well typed out.

Anyway. The long and the short of it is that nothing of mine was broadcast

HOWEVER

Once again, I was ‘Nearly-There Nigel’ and a joke of mine ended up in the script! It may have even been performed but essentially they thought it could be good enough, its just I wont get paid (or get writer’s credits!)

and yes, I was playing Candy Crush when it came in…. Deal with it!

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