NewsJack Submission 11 – One Liners
Newsjack Submission 11
Nothing in last week and I didn’t spend as long this week as I’d usually do. Here they are.
- THE UNIVERSITY OF MIDDLESEX HAS SUGGESTED ROBOTS COULD HELP SOLVE THE ELDERLY SOCIAL CARE CRISIS. DOCTORS ARE WORRIED WE COULD SEE THE QUICK RETURN OF THE ‘BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH’.
- UK AGREES £100M TURKEY DEFENCE DEAL. FUNDING RUNS OUT DECEMBER 24TH.
- 7 COUNTRIES ARE ON THE US BAN LIST. RUMOURS OF PLANS ON ADDING 4 MORE DENIED AS TRUMP WOULD HAVE TO TAKE OFF HIS SOCKS TO COUNT THEM.
- NUMBER: ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED-THOUSAND PETITION TO CANCEL STATE VISIT BY TRUMP. NUMBER TEN IGNORES PETITION.
- 30 MILLION: FAKE NEWS STORIES BEING INVESTIGATED BY THE GOVERNMENT
10: CELEBRITIES WHO ARE NOW TREES, NUMBER 7 WILL SHOCK YOU.
- 6%: FINE DEUTSCHE BANK PAID AFTER ADMITTING $10 BILLION RUSSIAN MONEY LAUNDERING SCHEME.
94%: PROFIT THAT PROVES THAT CRIME DOES PAY.
I wrote the first 2 Breaking News while investigating stories for sketches. BN1 was a bit of a struggle wording it but I was mainly happy with it. BN2 was just very silly – I just hope the Turkey/turkey wordplay is obvious and appreciated by people in the Newsjack writers room.
Number crunching was hard this week. I wonder if anyone else has the same problems as I do? I liked the idea about NC1 but writing it down it just didn’t seem to work. NC2 the punchline does match the feed-line: buzzfeed style punchline isn’t really ‘fake news’ just click-bait and so the two shouldn’t be together. Finally, I struggle for a 3rd one so with announcenment of a $590 million fine for Deutsche Bank I thought I would throw it in there. It was the closest I could get to a punchline and the original joke was along the lines of;-
$10 billion: Value of russian money laundering deal by Deutsche Bank which resulted in a 6% fine
14 Years in Prison: What a ‘man on the street’ would receive as punishement if they were involved in Money Laundering.
That didn’t read right so I re-worked it to be the joke I submitted. I guess I’ll find out Thursday how I did.
In other news, submitting before 12 meant I missed this beauty of a news story
Falcons on a plane! 80 of them!