NewsJack Series 24 Episode 3

I’m struggling and it isn’t helping knowing I only have two epsiodes left to submit.


  1. Amazon opens Till-less shop in London where you pick up the items you want then just walk out the door. You can do the same at Asda, Tesco, and Waitrose as long as you can run faster than the security guards.
  2. A 9 year old boy passes his maths GCSE 7 years early, after homeschooling with his dad. His Dad hopes to pass them next year.
  3. Government ministers debate Full-Fibre broadband expansion. Home-owners are looking for a smooth deployment with little mess left behind.

Till-less shops were back in the news but I think this was a topic for jokes a few years ago. I went with this punchline. I liked joke 2 because it was silly and joke 3 because it is about pooooooo and I’m 14 years old. I didn’t think Joke 2 or 3 would have a chance. Joke 1 was a bit obvious but I went for it anyway.

1. Its been a bad week for a millionaire dad after courts rule he should pay £150,000 a month for his 4 year old daughter to have designer clothes. Its been a good week for his ex who was able to buy the complete school uniform from Asda and now has £149,980 left to spend on herself.
2. Its been a good week for a woman in New York who discovered a complete apartment hidden behind her mirror. Its been a bad week for her neighbour who wants to know why she broke into her flat.
3. Its been a good week for vaccinated people in the US as they can now meet without masks. Its been a bad week for vaccinated people in the US as they risk being confused with Anti-Maskers

GWBW1 has a joke somewhere. I didn’t feel I got to it but I wrote it anyway. It had a number of re-writes (rare for me) but nothing hit the mark. #2 I felt was a joke but the badweek punchline didn’t hit either. It was there, and funny, but was certainly lacking something. I never thought Newsjack would do this joke but I wrote it anyway. Gangsta4lif!