Newsjack Series 20 Episode 4

Another week, another Newsjack submission.

I’m chatting with some of the guys from the last comedy course I did and sharing my writings with them. I’ve been doing it to help encourage them to write and show them what I’m writing.

Here are my submissions this week.

ONELINERS
BREAKING NEWS:

  1. A police detective faces the sack after farting in front of colleagues. She denies the accusation saying, “It’s a load of old guff”.
  2. Housebuilders Persimmon’s annual profit has topped £1billion. Or £800million if you pay cash and we ignore the VAT.
  3. Lewis Hamilton is on Day 5 of the F1 testing. Soon he hopes to test the other function keys

I thought these were quite fun. My comedy-writing group chums felt that the F1 joke was a good one. My concern was I’m certainly not the first person to do an ‘F1/F1’ joke but I thought I’d give it a go for Newsjack. The housebuilder one was a bit lazy but I liked the headline it was from .

The fart joke – there had to be one. Finding that news article was a godsend. I liked the joke.


NEWSJACKIPEDIA:

No-gotiating – Presenting the same deal back to the EU and asking them for more concessions knowing that they will refuse.

a Cheeky Nandos – a photo opportunity to pretend that you and your new friends are just like normal members of the public.

Katie Price – The financial cost of drink driving.

I really liked the ‘No-gotiating’. The rest were a bit rushed as I struggle with these.

GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK:

  1. Its been a bad week for The Independent Group as people analyse the group dinner they had in a Nandos.
    But it’s been a good week for Ed Milliband as everyone has now forgotten about his bacon sandwich face.
  2. Its been a bad week for Kepa Arrizabalaga who refused to be substituted in the Cup Final.
    Its a good week for me at work as I’m about to try refusing anything my boss asks me to do. Wish me luck!
  3. Its been a bad week for black cab drivers as they lose their court battle to cancel Uber’s licence in London.
    But it’s been a good week for Prius car salesmen, phone-mount manufacturers and people who make plastic seat covers.

Struggled with the good week/bad week as well. The Uber joke – I had the link to the black cab drivers but couldn’t think of the opposite to make it a joke. What I ended up with was rushed and didn’t feel right.

What am I doing making a joke about Kepa Arrizabalaga? I know nothing about football. I liked the concept for this joke but, once again, I didn’t feel it ended correctly.