NewsJack Series 20 Episode 2

Another Week. Another NJ Submission

ONELINERS

BREAKING NEWS:

  1. Taxi Drivers to face criminal record checks. Concerns have been raised that police will find copies of Milli Vanilli’s “Girl You Know Its True” or Kajagoogoo’s “Too Shy”.
  2. The Government is being sued for rushing through a contract of £14 Million for Seabourne Freight to supply no ferries. They should have come to me, I’d have supplied them with no ferries for just £10 million.
  3. Roughly 1.8 million complaints to the council about unemptied bins in the last year. Roughly 1.8 million votes between leave and remain in the Brexit Referendum. Co-incidence? I think not.

Taxi Driver joke – I spent longer than I should have trying to decide on dodgy albums. Just before submission I swapped them round as I felt ‘Kajagoogoo’ needed to go last.

I’m sure I’ve submitted somethign like the 2nd joke before.

I liked the 3rd joke. I am embelishing the truth a little as I think it was 1.4 million more people voted ‘leave’. It felt like a NewsJack joke but there was a worry they might not want to do something that supported remain. Turns out they didnt.

NEWSJACKPEDIA:

  1. ‘Farage’ – Something you flush down the toilet and it disappears but sometime later it re-appears back in the bowl.
  2. ‘Maypole Dancing’ – distracting people with a carefully orchestrated dance where, when you finish it, you end up exactly where you started, but tied up in tape you can’t escape.
  3. ‘Walling’ –  An American act of self-harm designed to show the right-wing you mean business in keeping those foreigners out. (see also ‘Brexiting’)

Farage – funny.

Maypole Dancing. It was about her going back to europe to ‘renegotiate’. Only after I submitted I thought they might link it just to her dancing from last year.

Walling. I like this format (see also…) but Newsjack don’t. Their loss!

I’d not noticed the new section of goodweek/bad week. At least they have got rid of the numberjacks. Goodweek/bad week doesn’t work much better as a format (in my view).