Month: February 2017

Criminals Improv – Gig Review 27/02/2017

A few weeks ago something popped up in my twitter feed that caught my attention. I follow @MrDavidReed on twitter and he posted that he’d be performing at Criminal Improv along side Miles Jupp. Seeing as this is just down the road from me, I thought I’d go down and see it.

Being in That London, at any time you are never less than 6 feet from an Improv group. This one wasn’t my closest but was walking distance from the office and also an nice easy walk home. There was little excuse not to go.

On arrival they had a great selection of smaller brewery beers. There weren’t a million members of staff on the bar and the guy who took my order walked off half way handing my order over to the remaining barstaff who was already in the middle of serving someone.  It wasn’t all bad as I was also having dinner there. Monday Night is Burger Night and all the burgers on the menu were £5. I had the cheeseburger with a side of buttermilk fried chicken. The burger was cooked medium-rare and the fried chicken was lovely.

With 5 minutes before curtains up time, I headed upstairs and after having the booking checked (while also being given a loyaly card), I managed to grab a seat on the front row. It was almost completely empty in the front row which was strange as an Improv Murder Mystery isn’t going to be the place where comedians try out their ‘so what do you do?/where are you from?’ patter.

The lights dimmed and the two hosts took to the stage. @OhHiRalphJones & @joelgatehouse were there to introduce the night and also to get some ideas from the audience on the background of Lady Davenport, whose timely dimise (is ’30 years previous’ still timely?) was going to be investigated. She was murdered by a bowling ball, had a career as a flautist, and in her spare time enjoyed mole-hunting (I think – however this turned out to be just hanging about a mole-populated area). She was wearing a ballgown when she died.

Ralph & Joel invited the cast to the stage where 3 cards were offered and the non-detective players found out who was innocent and who was guilty. The compares left the stage and the action began.

David Reed – Mr. Bowling Alley, Viola Player, Lady Davenport
Miles Jupp – Eric (the conductor), Maude (Hot drink loving wife of Sam), Tramp who died, Ian Anderson (from Jethro Tull)
Sylvia Bishop – Sam (Owner of the Mole Collective and loving husband of Maude), Exceedingly high countered shop owner, Cello Player)
Joseph Morpurgo – The Detective Wilhelm.

What followed was an excellent story about how Lady Davenport died and how the characters were involved. We learnt about nacho cheese, we watched a man play a flute from both ends, a lady play a flute without holding it to her lips, detailed descriptions of how games of bowling went for Lady Davenport (STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! HALF-STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! and for the tenth frame STRIKE!……which gave another two bowls which went STRIKE! STRIKE!), Coffee Shops with unreasonably high counters, Maude offering hot drinks at all times – although we were lucky to be there during the installation of a soda-stream, and learning about the pricing structure of the Bowling Alley (£1 bowling during lunch, but £14000 after 3pm).

The best part was the set-up of Miles Jupp having to sing a song at a funeral. What would be more appropriate than a splendid rendition of ‘Three Lions’. Nothing. Nothing at All.

 


The whole show was ace from start to finish. During the big reveal/accusation at the end there was a little bit of mis-direction when a chair was accused of being the murderer….after-all a chair has 4 legs, the SAME number of legs as a bowling ball has holes! 😀

If you are based in London and fancy attending then Criminal Improv is held at The Millers on the last Monday of the month. Tickets were a reasonable price (£8) and I really do recommend it. The team do an excellent job and its good to finally see some long-form improvisation as before now I’d only seen the short-form of Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Comedy Store Players, The Phil Jupitus And Friends : Improv Show and Second City. I’m even thinking of attending something like Austentatious or other performances similar to this.

Do you have a recommendation for some long-form improv I should attend? Or maybe some short-form stuff I’ll really enjoy? Let me know in the comments below. If its based in London then there is a good chance I’ll go see it.

A Comedian Changes Twitter Joke Seconds After Posting

(I realise the subject of this blog suggests something a lot more ‘juicy’ than what you are going to get!)

Gary Delaney posted a joke on twitter today at pretty much the same time I was on twitter. Here is the joke.

Great idea! I’m sure ‘fat balls’ (a type of bird feed) has been done to death as a topic. I know my girlfriend NEVER tires of me showing her my FAT BALLS every time I’m in Poundland.

However, while reading the joke I realised that the set-up was wrong. ‘Four calling birds, three french hens…’ lead on to ‘two turtle-doves’ so you’d expect it to be ‘2’ in the picture. Gary is a master of one-liners and so I’m not sure why he went for the feedline he did. I guessed it was a twitter character issue and left it at that.

Refreshing my twitter timeline got me the same picture.

Except he had ‘fixed’ the feedline. Now you are expecting ‘5 Something Something’ – the ‘joke’ is still the same but at least it makes a little bit more sense.

Rarely will people see stuff like this and it is only because I was on twitter at the exact moment he posted it that I saw both versions. I screencapped them for this blog post and so did write the blog post.

It obviously bothered him enough to change it and I guess it was for the same reason it bothered me. Nice that me and Gary are on the same level! 😀

 

All My Sketches In One Place

I thought I’d do a quick post putting all my sketches in one place for ease of reading.

21/09/15 – Explaining Stonehenge Purchase to Wife
07/03/16 – Syrian Business Process Improvement (BPI)
12/09/16 – Oh Glorious Nation of North Korea
12/09/16 – NHS Outta Time
31/01/17 – Baby FitBit
31/01/17 – Donald Petition
07/02/17- The Pop-Up Pop-Up
07/02/17 – Break Up Means Break Up
13/02/17 – Tescxit
13/02/17 – What a Hunt!
20/02/17 – Welcome to Brexit King

I will keep this updated and add stuff to it as I write.

Submission 14 – NewsJack – One-Liners

Its that time of the week again. I need to write some one-liners for a radio show that I wont appear on and they wont use. It seems like a waste of time really, but I still do it. I think I’d have given up ages ago if they’d not actually paid me for one of them.

BREAKING NEWS:

  1. SEARCH ENGINES ARE TO DEMOTE PIRATE SITES IN THEIR DISPLAYED RESULTS. RETAILERS ARE OUTRAGED DUE TO A DROP IN SALES OF WOODEN LEGS, EYE PATCHES AND PARROTS.
  2. JEREMY HUNT HAS EXPLAINED THAT HOSPITAL CUTS PLANNED IN MOST OF ENGLAND ARE NO CAUSE FOR CONCERN AS THAT’S HOW THEY START ALL SURGERIES.
  3. HEATHROW AIRPORT OFFICIALS DENY DETAINING LINDSEY LOHAN FOR 2 HOURS DUE TO RACIAL PROFILING, WHILE WEARING A HEADSCARF. THE PUT OUT A STATEMENT SAYING, “DID YOU SEE ‘I KNOW WHO KILLED ME?’ THAT’S TWO HOURS OF OUR LIVES WE’LL NEVER GET BACK AND FELT MS LOHAN SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE SAME EXPERIENCE.

As always a mixed bag from me. I struggled to find articles however I did think this morning that I’d not be submitting anything today and this week would just be the single sketch I submitted yesterday. However, due to a number of meetings being cancelled last minute I was able to throw together 3 ‘Breaking News’ jokes. The first one was after seeing a Pirate based headline. How could you not want to write a joke with a media Pirate/high seas Pirate punchline? So I did. The second BN was changed at the last minute as originally it started with ‘MPs have explained’ but just before I submitted I re-read them and felt it needed to be Jeremy Hunt. So it was. I do like including Jeremy in my submissions. The total Hunt.

I nearly didn’t have a 3rd BN however I saw the Linsay Lohan was ‘racially profiled’ at heathrow due to wearing a headscalf. I expanded this out to being ‘detained’ to help make the joke work. It is also very long for a one-liner but, as I always say, Fuck the Police.

NUMBER CRUNCHING:

  1. 24 HOURS: NEW TUBE STRIKE THIS WEEK.
    24 MINUTES: AMOUNT OF WORK PEOPLE WILL DO DURING THEIR NEW DAY OF ‘WORKING FROM HOME’.
  2. 470,000: NUMBER OF CARS IN THE UK THAT VOLKSWAGEN HAVE ‘FIXED’ DUE TO EMISSIONS SCANDAL.
    200,000: NUMBER OF CARS INDEPENDENTLY VERIFIED AS BEING FIXED.
  3. 4 YEARS: AMOUNT THE EU WANT THE UK TO STILL CONTRIBUTE FUNDS AFTER BREXIT.
    FOR YEARS: HOW LONG BREXIT VOTERS WILL WHINGE ON ABOUT HOW THE REMAINERS AREN’T SUPPORTING THEIR SHIT-STORM OF AN IDEA.

Number Crunching was a real grind this week. All written 10 minutes before the deadline. There is a strike in London on the tubes and the headline was ’24 hour strike’ which was one of the few number based headlines I saw. Expand this out to the impact on workers and lots more people will be working from home. Lets pretend they only actually work for 24 minutes when they work from home. Its certainly not true for me. I work ace at home (*waves to boss*) but also I walk to work so tube strikes don’t affect me even though I live in that London.

The 2nd NC was another volkswagen headline. Not my strongest work and I find jokes about the emmision scandal don’t tend to appear in the show. Correctly so as it isn’t really head-line news anymore. But as sure as night follows day I’ll shoe-horn in a joke if I need to.

The final NC was a great joke…but I felt the wording just wasn’t nailed on. 4 years/For years needs an inflection for people to recognise them as different things otherwise its just 4 years/4 years which, although true, isn’t the joke I’m trying to make.

So the full number of one-liners this week submitted on time. Lets see if any are funny enough to make the performance OR the broadcast.

Welcome to Brexit King – NewsJack Sketch Submission

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/feb/20/divide-and-rule-tactics-could-leave-uk-without-deal-say-eu-politicians

EU Brexit Dealings Could Lead to UK not getting the Deal it wants

Title – Welcome to Brexit King

(Teresa May & Boris Johnson are in a car going to order food from a drive-thru)

 

Brexit Burger:            Welcome to Brexit King. Can I take your order please?

Teresa:                       Errrr.. I never feel comfortable with these things.

Brexit Burger:            Hi! Welcome to Brexit King. Can I take your order please?

Teresa:                       I’d like a Hard Brexit please,with an extra side of financial institution HQs. (whispers) Boris what do you want?

Boris   :                       I’ll have the same please, but make sure you hold the refugees.

Teresa:                       So that’s two Hard Brexits, with the HQ Sides but ONE with no refugees….actually better make them both like that.

Brexit Burger:            And what would you like to drink?

Teresa:                       I’d love a Chablis!

Brexit Burger:            Sorry, that’s no longer included when you order a hard Brexit.

Teresa:                       Champagne?

Brexit Burger:            Sorry, that’s no longer included when you order a hard Brexit.

Boris   :                       (from back of the car) How about some Sangria!

Teresa:                       Ok, I’ll ask. Can we get two Sangrias?

Brexit Burger:            I’m sorry, that also is no longer included when you order a hard Brexit.

Teresa:                       What if we swap them for a Red, White and Blue Brexit?

Brexit Burger:            So you want to swap your 2 Hard Brexits for 2 French Brexits?

Teresa:                       No! No! No! I mean a ‘Best of British Brexit’.

Brexit Burger:            There is no such thing as that.

Teresa:                       Lets stay with the two Hard Brexits, with sides of Financial Insitution HQ’s and hold the refugees. What drinks can we have with them?

Brexit Burger:            If you order the meal deal you can have anything drink from the Full Hard Brexit Meal Deal.

Teresa:                       And what options are those?

Brexit Burger:            You can have a warm pint of Newcastle Brown Ale, a London Gin, or we can offer you some Irn Bru.

Boris:                          Iru Bru! Irn Bru! (Scottish Accent) Its made frum Gurders!

Teresa:                       Two Iru Bru then.

Brexit Burger:            Oh! I’m sorry. I’ve just seen that Iru Bru is no longer planning to be part of the Full Hard Brexit meal deal.

Teresa:                       Two gins then. Can we get one with coke and one with orange juice.

Brexit Burger:            The gins on the Full hard Brexit Meal Deal don’t come with mixers – we can’t allow anything to dilute the taste of a full hard Brexit.

Teresa:                       We’ll take them straight. We don’t mind a bit of tough medicine.

Brexit Burger:            Let me confirm your orders. I’ve got two Full Hard Brexit Meal Deals, with sides of Financial Institution HQs, both with no refugees but with some straight Gin. Now do you want a desert?

Teresa:                       Yes. We’d like to both have our cake and eat it.

Brexit Burger:            I’m not sure that’s possible with the Full Hard Brexit Meal Deals. I will need to check with my manager. Oi! Monsieur Barnier! Monsieur Barnier!

Michel Barnier:         Oui?

Brexit Burger:            Ils veulent avoir leur gâteau et le manger. C’est possible avec le Full Hard Brexit Meal Deal?

Michel Barnier:         HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Brexit Burger:            Monsuier Barnier?

Michel Barnier:         hahahaha (stops laughing) – Non. Les imbéciles.

Brexit Burger:            Sorry. The Full Hard Brexit Meal Deal isn’t available with a ‘Eat Cake and Have it’ dessert. We have got some humble pie you could have?

Teresa:                       Do you recommend that?

Brexit Burger:            Not really, it tends to leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Teresa:                       Ok. Lets just stick with what we have.

Brexit Burger:            So the total comes to £66 billion.

Teresa:                       Boris, can you pass me that £350 million a week we’ve been saving.

Boris:                          Gosh! I didn’t expect you to actually want it.

Teresa:                       Have you spent it?

Boris:                          I can’t lie to you Teresa, it never really existed.

Teresa:                       But I’ve promised people a full hard Brexit! How will I pay for it?

Trump:                        Hello pretty lady, do you need a hand? It’s a full sized adult hand and certainly not small like a tiny child’s.

Teresa:                       Not where you are thinking, Donald, I’m not that kinda girl!

 

END

Submission 14 – NewsJack – Sketches

Here we go again. Another week and nothing written until 2 hours before the deadline. Nothing I’ve written so far (as a sketch) has got anywhere near broadcast so I’ve lost a little a faith in the process.

Trawling the news websites today nothing really jumped out so I had a think about some of the other sketches that have been broadcast and they all seem to follow a similar pattern and only 1 or 2 of them actually could be said to be about a unique news story. For this reason I decided to just write a Brexit sketch (What? Another one of them with the millions of other submissions they will receieve) and I would then find a  Brexit news article to shoe-horn it against.

The theme of the sketch was to be ‘Brexit as a Burger King request’ with an idea of ‘have it your way, with BK’ structure. As usual it contains Teresa May and Boris Johnson. There is a guest appearance from Michel Barnier to mix it up a little. I decided to make him speak french. I thought it was a good touch and something to make the french speakers chuckle and people who don’t speak french will still get the joke.

Finally, another crappy ending to sketch. The NewsJack editorial team always suggest having your ended sorted first and then build to it but I never do and as such my sketches don’t finish well. Maybe it will impress someone in the writers team? Who knows? Who cares?

With no further ado (sorry for all the additional ‘ado’ I’ve prefaced this with).

Welcome To Brexit King

Submission 13 – NewsJack – One-liners

This week was a hard week. I really felt I’d lost my mojo. I went to see Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer last week and it put me in a good mood.

I don’t know what caused the funk to surround me but neither the sketches or the one-liners really felt like they hit home.

ONELINERS

BREAKING NEWS:

  1. DUREX BUYS A BABY-FOOD COMPANY. A SPLIT IN THE COMPANY DURING THIS BIG SPURT HAS BEEN EXPECTED BUT THE TRUE RESULTS MAY ONLY BE SEEN IN 9 MONTHS TIME.
  2. SHOCKING NEWS AS CHARLES BRONSON PROPOSES TO HIS SOAPSTAR ACTRESS GIRLFRIEND AND SHE SAID …(EASTENDERS DUM DUMS SOUND FX)
  3. UK SKILL SHORTAGE LEADS TO DYSON BEING PUSHED TO ASIA. MANY DOUBT THE CORDLESS VACUUM CLEANER WILL GET FURTHER THAN FRANCE BEFORE REQUIRING EMPTYING AND CHARGING.

NUMBER CRUNCHING:

  1. £4.6 BILLION: ROLLS ROYCE’S LARGEST EVER REPORTED LOSS

£30: UNAPPROVED OVERDRAFT CHARGE MADE BY THEIR BANK

  1. £20: HOW MUCH BETTER OFF PENSIONERS ARE A WEEK THAN WORKING

£20: EXACT INCREASE IN COST OF ELECTRIC BAR HEATERS AND WERTHERS ORIGINALS

  1. 100: PEOPLE INVOLVED IN MASS BRAWL INSIDE A WEATHERSPOONS

100: PEOPLE WHO MIS-UNDERSTOOD THAT IT WAS THE MEAL DEAL FREE DRINKS MENU THAT NOW INCLUDED A PUNCH.

 

The durex joke started forming when I was looking for sketches. It did have a couple re-writes but I’m still not happy with the final product. The 2nd Breaking News joke isn’t right as his girlfriend was a Coronation Street actress but the ‘Wah Wahs’ aren’t as well known as the ‘Enders ‘Dum Dums’. Breaking News number 3 was the last one written. I saw a little story about Dyson which said, ‘Skills Shortage Pushes Dyson to Asia’ and figured there would be a joke in there. I ended up with the above but I still feel the joke could be made punchier.

Number Crunching was much harder this week.

NC#1 – Its the same joke I’ve sent in before. the late payment/unapproved OD/etc appeared before but I thought I’d try it for Rolls Royce. Who knows, they might like it this time?!

NC#2 – this was more of me trying to find a joke about a popular number that was in the news. The £20 better offer being a pension was in the news and is something people would recognise. Electric bar heaters and wethers for old people is a little hack but who cares, they aren’t going to use it anyway.

NC#3 – another new article using numbers – 100 people involved in a punch up. Really couldn’t get this written correctly and I wasn’t happy with the final draft although it was better than earlier ones.

Not much really to report this week. Fire and Forget. Roll on next week’s submission and hopefully things will improve.

What a Hunt – NewsJack Sketch Submission

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-38926697

Jeremy Hunt says NHS is unacceptable.

Title – What a Hunt

 

Jeremy:                      darling. I have something to tell you.

Mrs hunt:                   what is it, my love.

Donald:                      I’ve recently found something out and I feel it is only right to tell you I know.

Advisor 2:                  I don’t understand?

Donald:                      Sit down.

Advisor 1:                  I’m sat down.

Donald:                      It has come to my attention that there is an issue with our relationship.

Mrs. Hunt:                  But you’ve been telling me everything is ok.

Jeremy:                      I know but after closer examination, I’ve found that’s no longer the truth.

Mrs. Hunt:                  So what is the problem?

Jeremy:                      After much investigation I have discovered something of the gravest consequence.

Mrs. Hunt:                  Yes, but what have you discovered?

Jeremy:                      That the most serious of actions have been taken.

Mrs. Hunt:                  I understand that bit…but what has happened.

Jeremy:                      Papers have been handed to me that have identified INFIDELITY!

Mrs. Hunt:                  Infidelity? But I’ve always been faithful to you Jeremy.

Jeremy:                      SERIOUS infidelity.

MRs. Hunt:                But its not me? It can’t be. I love you and have never been unfaithful.

Jeremy:                      The source of this information has been very clear, its me.

Mrs. Hunt:                  You are the source?

Jeremy:                      No, I’m the one has been unfaithful.

Mrs. Hunt:                  Jeremy?

Jeremy:                      Let me finish. I have noticed that I’ve been spending a lot more time with my secretary and as such we have grown closer and closer.

Mrs. Hunt:                  I don’t believe it.

Jeremy:                      Closer and closer. And 2 years ago I was found to be having an affair with her.

Mrs. Hunt:                  Oh Jeremy, what have you done?

Jeremy:                      I don’t know. But what I do know it is unacceptable and need to change.

Mrs. Hunt:                  So you’ve ended the relationship with her then?

Jeremy:                      We don’t know what we can do to change the situation….

Mrs. Hunt:                  You could end the relationship with her?

Jeremy:                      …but I have a top set of advisors looking at what has happened and what we can do to improve the situation in the future.

Mrs. Hunt:                  So you haven’t ended the relationship?

Jeremy:                      These grave accusations have turned out to be true and no-one is more upset than me.

Mrs. Hunt:                  err… I might be.

Jeremy:                      No-one can understand the pain and hurt this is causing me and I look forward to discovering a solution to the in the future.

Mrs. Hunt:                  Jeremy! I can suggest a solution.

Jeremy:                      Once the full investigation into the solution has concluded I will approach this with the full and frank discussions that will be required with the cause of this or my name isn’t Jeremy Cu…

Mrs. Hunt:                  Hunt!

 

END

Tescxit – Newsjack Sketch Submission

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-38893887

Tesco Uses Out of Date Offers

Title – Tescxit

 

Teresa:                       Boris, how is the Brexit negotiating going?

Boris:                          Well, err, excellently! I’ve introduced a new negotiator.

Teresa:                       Are you sure that’s the best idea?

Boris:                          I’ve invited Jonathan Tesco, the head of marketing at Tesco, to lead the charge against Johnny Foreigner.

Teresa:                       Jonathan. Wonderful to meet you. Now what is your plan.

Jonathan:                  I’m proposing a 3-stage attack.

Step One: We need to see what has previously been offered to tempt the public in….

Boris:                          Like the £350million a week to the NHS?

Jonathan:                  Yes, just like that. And we need to advise the public it was an out-of-date offer and it shouldn’t have remained on the shelves, I mean, on the bus, at the time the public saw it.

Boris:                          What-Ho! Sounds like a great start!

Teresa:                       But what are the other 2 stages?

Jonathan:                  Step Two: We offer the countries of the European Union- Brexit ClubCard points. For every £1 million they spend in the UK, we give them a club card point. When they have 10,000 club card points they can get a free pizza from Pizza Express.

Teresa:                       I’m not sure that’s going to seal the deal with them.

Jonathan:                  That leads us to step three: We buy up all the poorly performing little countries across Europe, like Greece and Portugal, and rebrand them as United Kingdom Extras. Or for the slightly bigger countries, Like Ireland and Spain – United Kingdom Metros.

Teresa:                       I don’t follow.

Jonathan:                  Well, you know how it would be better for us to remain in Europe.

Teresa:                       Don’t say that word!

Jonathan:                  Europe?

Teresa:                       No, Remain!

Jonathan:                  Ok, so you know how it would be better for us to have a presence in Europe. This way we can Brexit however we want but still ensure we have the open channels of trade unhindered by those Brussels burocrats.

Teresa:                       This is perfect. We could get Rowan Atkinson to appear in the adverts. Or we could get Martin Clunes, no, Caroline Quentin.

Jonathan:                  The thing is, people will be so distracted by the lure of the Brexit ClubCard points that they just won’t notice that we are buying up the competing countries in Europe.

Teresa:                       If we can get one pound in every seven pounds spent in Europe…

Boris:                          Euros! If I know one thing about Europe, and to be very clear, I do only know one thing about Europe. So that that should be one pound in every seven EUROS spent in Europe.

Teresa:                       Shhhh! If we can get £1 in every €7 spent in Europe spent in a United Kingdom store then the United Kingdom will prosper.

Jonathan:                  Well actually it brings us onto the Secret Step 4.

Step 4: When we’ve bought up all the smaller countries we start to make deals between each of the United Kingdom stores, offering them favourable rates and such. But, to the neighbouring countries, when they try to go out to buy some Greek Olive Oil or maybe some Spanish Fly, they’ll realise the only shops available are United Kingdom stores where we’ve cleansed the products we sell BUT, and here is the kicker, they will have no option to buy lovely United Kingdom Lard or a overly thumbed copy of Razzle as all the countries own produce will cease to exist. What do you think?

Boris:                          Thumbed copy of Razzle you say!

Teresa:                       It might just work. But I do have one question, What will you do with all the data you get from the Brexit ClubCards? You’ll know how much people are spending, how much people are buying, what they are buying, what stores they visit, when they visit them, how long they visit, which products they prefer.

Jonathan:                  Well, the information will belong to Tesco and when countries sign up to it they do agree we can use, share and sell their data to other companies – so we’ve agreed to sell the data to America.

Teresa:                       Why sell the data to America?

Jonathan:                  They have offered to pay us considerable sums of money to find out everything about the public and as the saying goes, ‘Every Little Helps!’

END

 

NewsJack Submission 13 – Sketches

Another week, another set of rushed sketches.

I actually started looking at this on the Sunday but struggled to find news stories that jumped out at me. Based on my investigations last week I really needed to write a sketch about Trump or Brexit. Trump really bores me (or read that I’m not writing sketches up to the level that have been appearing on NewsJack), and Brexit has been done to death.

Last minute I saw a news article about Tesco falsly advertising offers. The gist of it was that some tesco stores leave up the shelf edge banners saying ‘2 for £1’ or whatever, long after the deal has actually finished. I thought this could be shoe-horned into a sketch about Brexit. My duo of Teresa and Boris (everyone loves an impression on NewsJack) make a come-back. I decided not to do any actual research on Brexit. I’m sure David Davis is doing the negotiating (not Boris) and I’ve no idea who the marketing guy at Tesco is, so I made up his name.

Tescxit

After the struggle of finding the first sketch, I thought I’d only submit one. I still struggled to find a second subject but then remembered Jeremy Hunt saying something about the NHS is in crisis. There had to be something there. With minutes to spare I decided that Jeremy Hunt was going to have to admit he has found out about infidelity in his relationship and call himself out during a discussion with his wife. I ran out of time completely and it isn’t finished but once again, fire and forget to the NewsJack team and they can read it and ignore as usual! 😀

What a Hunt!

I do struggle with writing sketches. I struggle with finding good stories. I struggle with re-positioning the story into a sketch. I struggle with writing jokes into a sketch. I stuggle with identifying who the characters should be. Finally I struggle with writing actually anything. I need to decide what to do about these. Do I keep writing? Do I attempt to re-write some sketches to see if I can actually write anything funny? Who knows? Who cares?

I did have an idea for one of the one-liners though. its more a ‘ViewsJack’ type so I doubt I’ll include it…

Cameroon breaks their internet to stop people complaining about the leaders. Virgin Media appear to be doing the same to me.

I’m not sure thats it as a joke yet, but its what I thought of.