NewsJack Submission 13 – 10 – 15

This was my NewsJack submission for the 13th October, 2015

ONELINERS

BREAKING NEWS:

  1. PLAYBOY IS TO DROP PICTURES OF NAKED WOMEN FROM ITS MAGAZINE. IN UNRELATED NEWS, MILLIONS OF MEN WHO BUY IT ‘JUST FOR THE CAR FEATURES’ HAVE SUDDENLY CANCELLED THEIR SUBSCRIPTIONS.
  2. LEAKED GOVERNMENT REPORTS SAY THAT LEGALISING CANABIS WOULD GENERATE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF POUNDS IN TAX. THIS WOULD BE A NEW ‘MUNCHIE’ TAX ON ANY SNACK FOOD PURCHASED FROM A CORNER SHOP AFTER 11PM.
  3. FACEBOOK PAID LESS THAN £5,000 IN TAX LAST YEAR. AMAZON, STARBUCKS, AND GOOGLE ‘LIKE’ THIS.

VIEWJACK:

  1. I DON’T CARE THAT HOVERBOARDS HAVE BEEN MADE ILLEGAL. IN THE SAME WAY I’M NOT GIVING UP MY TIME TRAVELLING DELORIAN.
  2. IT COST £12 MILLION TO WATCH JULIAN ASSANGE FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS. BUT WHEN I HIDE IN A TREE AND WATCH JANET FROM ACCOUNTS, I GET FINED AND HAVE TO PAY HER MONEY – WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?
  3. ALL THIS TALK ABOUT AN ‘IN/OUT’ REFERENDUM ON EUROPE. I VOTE ‘OUT’ AND THINK WE SHOULD BE PART OF THE BAHAMAS AS THEY HAVE BETTER WEATHER.

Breaking News #3 seems a bit ‘yawn’ now. I thought it would fit the format of the show well but I wasn’t really happy with it. I thought Breaking News #1 was go though. ViewJack #1 was about the fact hoverboards don’t exist, but I think the punchline (re-reading it) just help make that leap at all. I think ViewJack #2 could be better.

  • IT COST £12 MILLION TO WATCH JULIAN ASSANGE FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS. BUT WHEN I HIDE IN A TREE AND WATCH JANET FROM ACCOUNTS, THE POLICE ARREST ME, TAKE ME TO COURT AND I HAVE TO PAY HER MONEY – WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?

its only a small change, but I think it makes it sound better.

ViewJack #3 is one that doesn’t sound right.

  • ALL THIS TALK ABOUT AN ‘IN/OUT’ REFERENDUM ON EUROPE. I VOTE ‘OUT’ AND THINK WE SHOULD JOIN THE CARIBBEAN AS THEY HAVE BETTER WEATHER.

Is that better? Is it not? I’m leaning towards slightly better when it is said out loud.